[ mafuyu understands. it was impressed upon him by syh's manager once, twice, many times. the importance of the allure of every member of syh being available, even if they weren't, and then, at least, not so bold as to be out. at the time, mafuyu nodded, was polite, even though it hurt. he bit his tongue. if he were to talk about it with anyone anyway it would be yuki himself. he wants syh to continue to do well so they can continue to make music and, to that end, perhaps, continue to be happy. no one can replace music. nothing. he knows that. the persecuting comments he sees sometimes, he never speaks about. that yuki feels badly about them is as clear as day in how he makes an effort for mafuyu to continue to be by his side.
it's not his love that's in question.
so it is natural as anything for mafuyu to sigh, opening his mouth to the tender kiss offered. the hand in yuki's hair slips to the back of his neck, tapered fingers curling there softly. i love you. you didn't do anything wrong...sorry for worrying you...sorry i... unconsciously, mafuyu shivers, and when the kiss ends he lets their noses bump against each other, now that they're alone, and without really thinking of it, slips off of his chair so he's kneeling with yuki. it makes it that much easier to lower his face to press against the juncture of yuki's neck and shoulder, steadying his own breaths by inhaling and exhaling there. and mafuyu's arms adjust to slip around yuki's waist, both hands fisting in the back of his shirt.
tell him....not here...that's an excuse...but...
mafuyu doesn't notice himself, how his own breaths are coming a little too fast. and it's the strangest thing because he isn't afraid of yuki, never has been. the only fear was that one day yuki yoshida would leave him behind in one way or another. and mafuyu had thought in small hours of lonely mornings: maybe i'm not enough. that was before they were mated. they're still bad at having fights. they don't want to have them in the first place, so determining the language and behavior for them is that much harder. not that he's thinking this will be one.
but he doesn't know what it will be either.
his head spins, and his body slumps against yuki's more heavily. ah. yuki smells so good. he's so dizzy. the office lighting seems to spark in his vision.
softly, so softly, ]
Yuki...
[ too dizzy, he closes his eyes and slightly angles his head, pressing the gentlest kiss to the side of yuki's neck. it feels like an apology but also something else as he continues, ]
...I went...to see a doctor--
[ it's terrible timing. the nearly pleasant dizziness gives way to such an abrupt wave of nausea that mafuyu loses his grip on yuki entirely. he goes very still, trying to press it down. and it's a few long moments of mafuyu just severely compartmentalizing his physical feelings, not unlike an episode of dissociation, and his mind overloads: will yuki be happy or sad? disappointed? mafuyu already knows he can't get rid of the baby and doesn't think yuki would ask him. will it go well? male omega pregnancies aren't as fatal as they used to be with modern medicine but the numbers aren't great. if the birth goes well sometimes the child pays the price with different side effects. what did his mother think when he was born? mafuyu's childhood was so eclipsed by his father's emotional and physical rejection, mafuyu can only go by the love she's given him since but what was her first thought? mafuyu doesn't even know what his own is. he's not excited. he's nervous. he's not sad. but he's not happy. and so far his body seems to be having a harder time with it than not.
it's good that the other assistant is gone, though they were a beta anyway. mafuyu's scent floods the immediate vicinity of his desk but without a doubt touches out along even more of the floor. though it seems to want to curl around yuki: mine. please. remind me. tell me.
we'll be okay.
right?
by the time he suppresses the nausea enough to not throw up, he's sweating enough it makes him cold despite his temperature. trying to find his bearings, he wants to start over, try to tell yuki again, but re-settling his breathing takes a while, the office quiet aside from that sound and anything yuki is saying, all heard by mafuyu as if from under water. ]
sobbing about yuki deleting the mean comments prob trying to before mafu sees them
it's not his love that's in question.
so it is natural as anything for mafuyu to sigh, opening his mouth to the tender kiss offered. the hand in yuki's hair slips to the back of his neck, tapered fingers curling there softly. i love you. you didn't do anything wrong...sorry for worrying you...sorry i... unconsciously, mafuyu shivers, and when the kiss ends he lets their noses bump against each other, now that they're alone, and without really thinking of it, slips off of his chair so he's kneeling with yuki. it makes it that much easier to lower his face to press against the juncture of yuki's neck and shoulder, steadying his own breaths by inhaling and exhaling there. and mafuyu's arms adjust to slip around yuki's waist, both hands fisting in the back of his shirt.
tell him....not here...that's an excuse...but...
mafuyu doesn't notice himself, how his own breaths are coming a little too fast. and it's the strangest thing because he isn't afraid of yuki, never has been. the only fear was that one day yuki yoshida would leave him behind in one way or another. and mafuyu had thought in small hours of lonely mornings: maybe i'm not enough. that was before they were mated. they're still bad at having fights. they don't want to have them in the first place, so determining the language and behavior for them is that much harder. not that he's thinking this will be one.
but he doesn't know what it will be either.
his head spins, and his body slumps against yuki's more heavily. ah. yuki smells so good. he's so dizzy. the office lighting seems to spark in his vision.
softly, so softly, ]
Yuki...
[ too dizzy, he closes his eyes and slightly angles his head, pressing the gentlest kiss to the side of yuki's neck. it feels like an apology but also something else as he continues, ]
...I went...to see a doctor--
[ it's terrible timing. the nearly pleasant dizziness gives way to such an abrupt wave of nausea that mafuyu loses his grip on yuki entirely. he goes very still, trying to press it down. and it's a few long moments of mafuyu just severely compartmentalizing his physical feelings, not unlike an episode of dissociation, and his mind overloads: will yuki be happy or sad? disappointed? mafuyu already knows he can't get rid of the baby and doesn't think yuki would ask him. will it go well? male omega pregnancies aren't as fatal as they used to be with modern medicine but the numbers aren't great. if the birth goes well sometimes the child pays the price with different side effects. what did his mother think when he was born? mafuyu's childhood was so eclipsed by his father's emotional and physical rejection, mafuyu can only go by the love she's given him since but what was her first thought? mafuyu doesn't even know what his own is. he's not excited. he's nervous. he's not sad. but he's not happy. and so far his body seems to be having a harder time with it than not.
it's good that the other assistant is gone, though they were a beta anyway. mafuyu's scent floods the immediate vicinity of his desk but without a doubt touches out along even more of the floor. though it seems to want to curl around yuki: mine. please. remind me. tell me.
we'll be okay.
right?
by the time he suppresses the nausea enough to not throw up, he's sweating enough it makes him cold despite his temperature. trying to find his bearings, he wants to start over, try to tell yuki again, but re-settling his breathing takes a while, the office quiet aside from that sound and anything yuki is saying, all heard by mafuyu as if from under water. ]